March 2011
1 post
3 tags
Mnemonic Device for Keeping Bill Pullman and Bill...
Regarding Bills Pullman and Paxton, My message to you is, “Chillax, son.” If your memory stalls, Remember: Pullman, Spaceballs. Both have double L’s! Now you’ll ask none.
May 2009
2 posts
2 tags
A Nutrition Question
Hey Cap’n,
Is beer a meal?
-Ale Lover
_______________________________________________________
Dear AL,
Beer only counts as a meal if you add one cup of ground beef and a packet of taco seasoning to it.
Salud,
Cap’n Lou
3 tags
A Yoga Question
Dear Cap’n Lou,
I enjoy going to yoga class, but I really dislike the part where the whole class is supposed to chant in unison. Not only can I never get the words right, but the whole thing just feels disingenuous to me. But then it’s also uncomfortable to a) chant the wrong words or b) remain sullenly silent. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Om my god this is embarrassing...
March 2009
8 posts
3 tags
A Baseball Question
Dear Cap’n Lou,
Who is better, Jack Cust or Ben Sheets?
-Omar __________
Dear Omar,
My vast knowlege of professional sports often goes unrecognized, so I appreciate this opportunity to highlight my expertise. Unfortunately, I recently had to erase all the baseball facts from my memory to make more room for Mary J. Blige lyrics. Sorry about that!
But a wise leprechaun informed me that...
2 tags
Questions Submitted By Garrick
Q: The Rorschach test has recently been used as the inspiration for one of the more modern super heroes and I was curious if you felt there might be other heroes (or villains) taken from the annals of psychological discovery?
Q: What are some psychological problems that super heroes or super villains have?
Q: I was wondering why a villain is a “villain” meaning, of course, one who...
1 tag
First Day of Spring Haiku
Spring is sprung, my friend Sprung like Sir Mix-A-Lot when He sees a big butt
—Cap’n Lou
2 tags
Guest Wisdom From Sean Keane
Dear Cap’n Lou,
When contemplating my romantic success with the ladies, coupled with my refusal to buy a messenger bag, I thought of the following semi-useful phrase:
Girls don’t lick nutsacks Of boys who wear backpacks
—Sean
__________________________________________________
Dear Sean,
Thank you for sharing your R-rated widsom with me. From your note, I can sense that you...
2 tags
Letter from Justin J. Justin
Cap’n,
I thought of you when I said, “If it ain’t Baroque, don’t fix it.”
Thanks, JJJ PS. Fuck that Crunch cap’n!
__________________________________________________
Dear JJJ,
Thank you for including me in your thoughts. Your Baroque saying is an oldie and a goodie. However, I have come to prefer the phrase, “If it’s a Rococo, don’t come...
2 tags
Mnemonic #3
Dear Cap’n Lou,
I see that you are very talented at creating mnemonic devices. I have a problem that I’m hoping you can help me with. Whenever I think of Kanye West’s name, I forget how to pronounce it. I inevitably call him “Cain,” which leads to a lot of confusion. For some reason, people always think I’m talking about a professional wrestler? Anyway,...
2 tags
Mnemonic #2
A gypsy woman in an eagle’s embrace, Nicks and Henley sang ‘Leather and Lace.’
1 tag
“I can’t make you love me if you don’t, but I CAN make your heart...”
– Cap’n Lou
1 tag
Cap'n Lou: Knock knock
Person: Who's there?
Cap'n Lou: Cap'n Lou
Person: Cap'n Lou who?
Cap'n Lou: Cap'n Lou Albino. Please let me in! The sun is burning my milky white skin!
February 2009
6 posts
1 tag
Wisdom from thelongneckgiraffe
2 tags
“I believe the children are the future, which gives them an undeniable advantage....”
– Cap’n Lou
1 tag
“Laugh and the world laughs with you. Crap your pants on MUNI and the world...”
– Cap’n Lou
2 tags
Mnemonic #1
My Not-Educated Mother Ought Not Irk Christ.
2 tags
“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing Kevin Spacey to star in...”
– Cap’n Lou